Innocence

"This is high school, every is going through a hard time," this is my friend who earlier today texted me about how her mom walked in on her and her "boyfriend". She's hysterical, to put it lightly, and insane, if we're being honest. I enjoy her company, though, and she preaches the truth.

"We're all changing," she continues, "and, like, growing up and shit."

I take a moment to reflect on my growing up. I think I lost my innocence when someone said "Hey baby you look cute as shit" to me in a Neopets message. I don't really know. It was the first coffee stain on my immaculate white church dress that was my life prior. I've taken really big strides since then. It's a lot easier to grow up than to grow down, I've realized.

Complaining 101 No. 2

Art by Francisca Pageo

In the gulf of my school's library, where I remained until I thought I’d died, I contemplated the common teen plight of virtues, love, abandonment and why when I paint my nails my cuticles always get in the way.

To be fair, I’m heartbroken, like, eighty-seven percent of the time. Heartbreak catalysts aren’t limited to common male rejection. I get downhearted over mp3’s that won’t download and holes in my leggings; it’s all something to shed tears about.

Recently, a boy who I kissed twice was caught holding hands with another lady and I immediately sent the text, “I belong in a brothel and I will never be loved” to seven of my friends.

My favorite reply was “Yo, he’s gay tho.”

God, I have the best friends.

I hate being a girl because I’m just intrinsically stupid and desperate.

Save me some hot water

Comic by Jane Mai


Being a teenage girl is the worst position God can put you in.

I say this because I think God is doing this thing where he answers my prayers in some vague gesture of sorting out something I considered irreparable (but in week he'll take it back and say, "you just pay your soul to continue this trial").

No, I didn't go to any parties this weekend.

Yes, I am overtired and under-rested and ugh fucking Monday.

Despite my plight of being a teen things are looking up????

What It Must Be Like To Be Alexa Chung

A lot of the time, my peers think its so novel that I talk about how much I want to pursue a guy so cavalierly. But, 98.6% of the time, it's out of sheer desperation and lack of dignity. Sexual confidence is so far out of my realm of life that I'm pretty sure four out of ten times I initiate something with a guy it's more like, "wait.. whoa.. hey... stay still.. stop talking" instead of any form of casual flirtatiousness and poise.

If I was Alexa Chung I would say things like this and still be ringingly hot:

1. I guess I should take a shower.
2. I think I'm going to stop wearing make-up for the year.
3. Yeah, I think I'm better educated than Lana Del Rey, too.
4. I'm going to Paris for the weekend to be gay! Don't text me.
5. I'm going to blog about how awful you are.

Ok, I systematically say 5. Whatever.

Model Crush: Felice Fawn

Felice Fawn is a model, actress, anorexic, teen witch from Britian whom I adore because she stuck it too Terry Richardson (aka Scumbag 3000). (To read more about that click here)

Her favorite breakfast is English full and her ideal coworker would be Jim Carey.