Photographs from Amsterdamn, the Hague, The Netherlands, Europe, Earth

The pursuit of happy

Recently I've been balancing out my social life between marathons of anything on HBO and trying to flirt with boys.

Today I sent a guy a text that read "Today I met someone who has had a phobia of bugs for ten years". I'm such a fucking great conversationalist it kills me.

(It wasn't even true I met said character two days ago, his name is JR and he likes watching Comedy Central and talking about the politics behind South Park and Family Guy - the only time I chimed in was to proclaim "Liberals are noisy" but I can't differentiate between a socialist and a liberal.)

I'm so prone to crushing on all the wrong guys.

Cliche lady No. 5243589 "I'm an asshole magnet". The guys I talk to aren't even assholes they just always have to have something that hinders any type of decent future.

My last boytoy dropped out of community college, poured bleach down an ice cream machine to get out of work early (thrice), and is currently saving his minimum wage for a tattoo sleeve of Vans logos. The only lingering wisdom he left me with was "Don't think you're cooler than anyone else because you listen to Pains of Being Pure at Heart".

No, I think I'm cool because I lost my virginity to them, duh.

Innocence

"This is high school, every is going through a hard time," this is my friend who earlier today texted me about how her mom walked in on her and her "boyfriend". She's hysterical, to put it lightly, and insane, if we're being honest. I enjoy her company, though, and she preaches the truth.

"We're all changing," she continues, "and, like, growing up and shit."

I take a moment to reflect on my growing up. I think I lost my innocence when someone said "Hey baby you look cute as shit" to me in a Neopets message. I don't really know. It was the first coffee stain on my immaculate white church dress that was my life prior. I've taken really big strides since then. It's a lot easier to grow up than to grow down, I've realized.

Complaining 101 No. 2

Art by Francisca Pageo

In the gulf of my school's library, where I remained until I thought I’d died, I contemplated the common teen plight of virtues, love, abandonment and why when I paint my nails my cuticles always get in the way.

To be fair, I’m heartbroken, like, eighty-seven percent of the time. Heartbreak catalysts aren’t limited to common male rejection. I get downhearted over mp3’s that won’t download and holes in my leggings; it’s all something to shed tears about.

Recently, a boy who I kissed twice was caught holding hands with another lady and I immediately sent the text, “I belong in a brothel and I will never be loved” to seven of my friends.

My favorite reply was “Yo, he’s gay tho.”

God, I have the best friends.

I hate being a girl because I’m just intrinsically stupid and desperate.

Save me some hot water

Comic by Jane Mai


Being a teenage girl is the worst position God can put you in.

I say this because I think God is doing this thing where he answers my prayers in some vague gesture of sorting out something I considered irreparable (but in week he'll take it back and say, "you just pay your soul to continue this trial").

No, I didn't go to any parties this weekend.

Yes, I am overtired and under-rested and ugh fucking Monday.

Despite my plight of being a teen things are looking up????